I find a hard time balancing time.

Long gone, are the days of being a stay at home mom.  I always told myself, that as a mother, it was the hardest job I had ever had. Prior to my children, I had worked full time in both a real estate office and nights at a local restaurant.  I remember being tired, but functioning on 5 hours of sleep and pulling my weight well with my employers.

Then, well, then I became a mother of one.  It was an unexpected pregnancy (I say that as thought I don't know what happens..). SCRATCH THAT - we do the deed, we can expect what happens next.

I remember so much going through my mind as a 21 year old girl (and I say girl because I was still learning so much at that age).  I became a mom for the first time and it was more than I had expected.  There was joy and there was nights of, to be blunt, "I hate my life".  And I say that only in that I was exhausted.  I did NOT know how to manage being a new mom, keeping up house and worrying 24/7 that I was doing something wrong.

BUT, alas, every joyful moment made it all worth that.  If you can survive the first couple of years of motherhood, the rest is seemingly smooth sailing.

By the time my daughter was 4, my second child came to be.  I absolutely adored everything about my children. Ethan had so many issues from the get go (I don't particularly care to into depth here, again), but he overcame a lot. A LOT.

By the time he was 3 I noticed he wasn't catching on like most children his age had.  I pushed relentlessly for speech therapy. Trying to get that under 5 year window when "the experts" say timing is crucial for development.

NOTHING.  I mean, fighting with pediatrician's here is like pulling teeth. It's hard - it's painful - it stinks.

When Ethan turned 4, I got under their skin enough that I finally was given a referral.

The first speech therapist couldn't get him to talk at all.

It was such a waste of time.

I absolutely don't judge her, I mean, kids like Ethan seem to only open up to certain people.  She just wasn't one of them. I kept pushing and he finally was assigned a new one.  She is absolutely amazing. She has done so much for my son that I can't even put into words how thankful I am for her.  She has a way with children (at least my son) and she has gotten him to improve so much from when he first started out.

But, back to the point of my blog - which I kind of missed entirely..

Time management...

I told myself once my son started school (last year) I would go back to work.

I did.

I enjoy my job, I enjoy the customers. I enjoy SOME of my co workers ;)

But, I tell you, I find it so hard to balance work, kids, house, home all at once.  It's like, they restarted school & suddenly I'm running from work to pick them up, running to speech therapy for my son, going back to work some nights, trying to cook, clean and pack lunchboxes and meal plan and homework, and ..and...and

And, where am I?  I seem to lose myself in the mix. I revert back to the 21 year old getting 5 hours of sleep and suddenly I am too old to function ;)

I mean, don't get me wrong, I function, but at best, I am utterly exhausted.

Then I come home on days off and I want to take the kids out to spoil them a little, I look around the house and think, "this would be a nice DIY project" or "that could use some fixing"  and "man I really want to add to my blog it's been months, it's not a daily blog anymore".

I believe at some point I'll find the time to add a new project.

So much has been going on though. SO MUCH.

The kids started back school.

I bought a new mattress. (It is the most comfortable thing ever). For reference it's a Gel foam memory mattress by Seally (Sealy?) Boca Breeze firm.  I typically don't want to plug things like this, but it's helped my back out A LOT. I finally get a decent nights rest. I bought it on sale for $499 for both the mattress and box spring during Labor Day weekend from A Goodnight Sleep Store in Fayetteville, NC.  I came in at the last minute and thankfully the associate that helped me wasn't mad about it (you know some people lack customers service these days).  She was above and beyond kind. I pretty much knew going in exactly what I wanted. She still pulled the model out and let me try it, can you say SOLD :)  When I went to pick it up later in the week the man who helped was also very professional and kind.  There was a mark on my mattress from where the plastic ripped during shipment, kind of a black scuff mark if you will..he informed me right away, but to be honest I didn't care, it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't cut, and I bought a mattress topper anyway. I'm not petty so it didn't bother me in the least. I LOVE THIS mattress:)

I'll pay it off over the course of a couple months, I decided to be fancy and get  a deferred interest loan on it.

I just wish I had more time to sleep on it (haha).

No, really...I lay on it and I'm typically out like a light.

What else is new?  Oh, my health.  One day at work a month or so ago my eye was red. I thought nothing of it, until the next morning I woke up and the white on half my eye was filled with bright red blood. I happened to be off the next couple of days so thought I'd wait it out, only every day it was worse. Eventually I sucked it up and went to the express care.

It was a conjunctival sub hemmorrage. (I'm sure I spelled that wrong, and I'm too lazy to fix it or look it up).
They did one read of my blood pressure and diagnosed me with hypertension.

One reading? I contributed it to stress, my blood pressure had been low after losing 50 lbs.

I was prescribed hydrochlorothiazide (a water pill) and sent along.

I have to tell you having your eye filled with BLOOD is so embarrassing to go to work with.  Customers didn't know how to react..I almost felt like a leper.  A few people asked if I was choked or hit.  Nope, just a dirty little bitty of hypertension.

Here is the progression of  and eventually healing of the conjunctival subhemmorrage :

BELOW: Day 1, looks almost like it was just irritated..

Day 2: You can see where the vein popped spread blood YUCK..

Day 3: Just kept getting worse...

 Day 4: Yep, it got that bad..

 Day 8: It was still there and reddish..THANKFULLY the white in my eye was showing at this point and I was able to put makeup on my peepers (I swear my eyes look so small with out eye makeup)..

Day 12: It was FINALLY absorbing and completely gone by day 13. THANK YOU LORD :)) haha!

I never realized how much water my body held onto until I started the water pill.

It's insane what our bodies stop doing for us eventually.  I always thought with such weight loss I'd be better..but I guess years of being a junk eater caught up to me.

I'm working on it.

I'm sure having a kidney problem doesn't help since blood pressure and kidneys go hand in hand.

In the meantime, this mama needs to sleep, figure a way to juggle work and parenting and find time for this blog, because truthfully, it had always been my little go to on the web.  A temporary escape from everything else that was at the time going down hill in my life.  Until next time, God bless <3 p="">