Monday, August 15, 2011

School is around the corner..AGAIN..

I love my little girl. I remember when I first had her, her first year went by so slow. I remember thinking, "I am so stressed, this baby never sleeps, she won't sleep alone, she spits up all he time, but I love her more than anything". I remember hoping the first year would go by a little faster because I felt entirely overwhelmed as a new mom. I had no friends - my former lifestyle and my new lifestyle would clash. People I thought would stick by me through thick and thin, didn't. I learned a lot about myself that year. I went from working two full time jobs, to suddenly being an at home mom. I was not used to this. I used to be the kind of person that NEEDED to be busy with work and other things to keep myself happy.

Suddently I traded in my late nights of working, for late nights of cleaning, diapers and spit up. It wasn't all bad. I learned a new kind of love. I learned priorities. I learned I could love some one unconditionally no matter what.

Eventually though the years did go by. She turned 2, then 3. By the time she was 4 I had Ethan a month and a day after her 4th birthday. She started pre k and it was such a wonderful experience for us both. I walked her to class every day, I kissed her on the cheek, I participated in the class field trips and activities, etc.

Then 5 came. She was starting kindergarten, and only let me walk her to class a handful of times. Eventually she said, "Mommy, I want to walk myself". It was at that moment, I realized I couldn't control every little thing. Parts of my mind wandered into what would the next few years be like. Or, God forbid, the TEEN years. Would they be hard? Would she not want to be around me? It didn't matter, I'd let her embrace her individuality however it would come about.

In March, she turned 6. She's so tall, she's so beautiful, she's a big girl. But - she is still very much my baby. She's the smart girl who surpassed her reading level last year and who was put into the gifted program.

Next week she will start FIRST grade.

WOW, first grade already?

Suddenly I long for the days of diaper changing, spit up and holding a small human being in my arms all night because they can't sleep alone. I long for the days of simpler times, where we were so broke that first year, our only TV source was bunny ears on an old tv and a few chanels. I often miss that little baby, who in the realms of being caught up in stress and exhaustion I wished would grow just alittle faster.

The truth is, no matter how you look at it, they do grow fast. After the first year, the rest just goes with out say.

I think on the first day of school next week, I'll walk her to class. I may even walk her the first few days. Unless, she tells me no. I'll still drive her to school, instead of let her take the bus, because I am ONE of THOSE parents. haha.

But, as my little girl gets bigger, I myself have to take baby steps in letting her grow.

First grade already? Wow, it sure did fly.

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